Archive for the ‘Depression’ Category

‘“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”’—Lewis Carroll, “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”

One of the greatest coping skills I learned after yet another failed suicide attempt (have you ever had a tube inserted in your nose and snaked down to your stomach as part of a gastric lavage?) was something I realized when my therapist told me: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

The realization—or rather, the skill—was so simple I was amazed that I hadn’t thought of it before was this: when things get so dark that I start to consider simply ending it all, I put on my headphones, fire up iTunes on my laptop, and put George Harrison on a loop. All Things Must Pass is my mantra. I listen to it over and over again until finally, I believe it.

The other realization changed my entire outlook on life in general and my lifelong chronic depression. This time it was something I read:

The question we should be asking is not “What’s wrong with you?” Rather, we should be asking “What happened to you?”

That changed my perspective from “What did I do to deserve this?” to “What caused this to happen to me?” And even then, it took a much longer time to drop the “to me” and stop looking at myself as a victim.

I am not a “victim of depression;” I am a survivor. I now approach this struggle in much the same way practitioners of Aikido approach their opponents: find your enemy’s strength—in this case, his energy—and turn it against him.

I’ve spent years discovering my enemy’s strengths. Knowing them, I have learned how to turn them against what Churchill called his “black dog,” and what Rowling put a face to with the Dementors.

The result? Between those two realizations, new medications, and therapy, it’s been over 3 years since my last suicide attempt, and 2 years since I’ve had even so much as a thought of harming myself.

We may be, as the Cheshire Cat claims, “all mad here.” But that’s no reason we can’t fight back. That’s no reason we can’t be mental health ninjas.

Do you suffer from depression? Do you have thoughts of self-harm? Of suicide? You can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1–800–273–8255. Even though I’m on the mend, I still keep the number on speed dial.

A Distinct Lack of Energy

Posted: 3 February, 2018 in Depression, Despair

I posted this on Facebook this morning:

And an apology.

If you FB Messenger me and don’t get a reply, I’m not ignoring you. If I wanted to ignore you, I wouldn’t have accepted your friend request in the first place.

It’s just that I’m plagued with chronic depression and far too many other mental health issues that I can’t carry on extended interactions with anyone.

Please don’t take it personally. Just know that I appreciate your friendship; right now, I just don’t have it in me to be polite.

The same holds true here. I know I’ve developed a following, and a few of you have even commented on some of my posts. I really do try to moderate your comments, but when it’s all I can do to even post a new entry, I simply can’t do it.

Thank you for your patience and your understanding.

Dark Days Ahead

Posted: 19 November, 2017 in Depression, Family, Sadness
Tags: ,

This week begins my annual decent into darkness. It generally starts around Thanksgiving and stays until after Valentine’s Day. So if I don’t post as often as I would like, that’s why.

Thanksgiving, because I’m reminded that I’m alone. My children and grandchildren are on the opposite side of the country, and while my wife and I are still married, that’s just a technicality. Her family has severed all contact with me.

December brings with it my mother’s birthday, followed a few days later by the anniversary of her death. Then comes thee gloom of Christmas spent alone, followed by New Year’s Eve spent the same way. January is usually pretty much of a blank, followed by February and the second anniversary of my father’s death.

All of which would be bearable were it not for my

  • General Anxiety Disorder
  • Social Anxiety Disorder
  • Seasonally Affective Disorder
  • Chronic Depression
  • Gender Dysphoria

Yeah, I’m a mess. But as the song says,

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down

I still have my tea and my books. Oh, yes: and my blogs. They’re really my on-line journals, which I write in to keep my sanity.

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down

Love and hope,

Robyn Jane

The Statue of Liberty

Posted: 5 May, 2017 in Depression

Liberty Face 2

Unpacking the face of the Statue of Liberty

The Statue of Liberty (Liberty Enlightening the World; French: La Liberté éclairant le monde) is a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess. It was a gift from the people of France to the people of the United States.

When I look at Liberty’s face, the first thing I see is compassion. That’s what first struck me as a child, and that impression has stayed with me ever since.

Losing Liberties in the Name of Freedom

But over the past decade or so, our liberties have been curtailed in the names of “freedom” and “safety.” The so-called “War on Terror” has whittled away at our personal freedoms, and to what avail? One idiot tries to blow up a plane with a bomb in his shoe, and now we all have to take our shoes off to fly. How many more school shootings have to happen before we institute meaningful gun control?

“But it’s in the Constitution!” Yes it is. But so is freedom of speech and public assembly, both of which have been restricted. My right to vote was never before predicated on whether I had a driver’s license. And what kind of country allows its elected representatives of the people to exempt themselves from the laws they pass to control the people who elected them in the first place? Am I the only one who thinks about these things, and thinks they’re wrong? Am I crazy?

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms." – Thomas Jefferson, letter to James Madison, December 20, 1787.

“They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." – Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759

Jefferson is also reputed to have said that every generation needs its own revolution. Is it time, do you think, for our revolution against the lawmakers who no longer represent the interests of the voters but instead are nothing more than whores for the rich and the multinational corporations?

I say let the people decide.

Hello, friends. Yes, it’s been a while. Between health issues, the collapse of my marriage, and Internet problems, I haven’t been up to writing.

But I’ve had a lot of time to think. And a lot of that thinking had a lot to do with life, death, and what really matters to me. February marked the first year since my father died, and it struck me, now that both of my parents are dead, that no one here gets out alive.

I first heard that phrase on a Doors album. The album was Waiting for the Sun, and the song was “Five to One.” Little did I understand at the time just how profound that statement is. No one here gets out alive. Or, as Paul Simon put it,

We’re working our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we’re gliding down the highway
When in fact we’re slip slidin’ away.

Maybe it’s the times we’re living in, or maybe it’s just my age, but I don’t think we’re focusing on the things that matter. We have our computers, and they’re connected to the Internet. We have instant access to more information than can be found in all of the libraries in the world, and what do we do with it? We post pictures of kittens on Facebook, or take pictures of our breakfast and beam them all around the world.


Really? We have the ability to end world hunger, end all wars, eliminate poverty, and all we seem to be interested in is fluff. Bread and circuses, man. That’s what the Roman Empire offered its citizens to distract them from the fact that the Empire was crumbling from within.

And that’s what’s happening to the America Empire. It’s crumbling from within. Well, when you elect a clown, you’ve got to expect a circus.

Leonard Cohen sang, “Democracy is coming to the USA.” He was fortunate to die before the reality set in: Fascism is coming to the USA.

The Bipolar Writer

James Edgar Skye

Inmate Blogger

A Collection of Blogs Written By Men & Women In Prison


Learning how to live well with chronic illnesses through self healing.

Mind Over Mood

Mental Health Advocate and Coach | Mental Health Support

James Harrington's Blog of Geek and Writing

All Things Writing and Geek, in one neat little blog!

Memoir Of A Writer

perfecting language on paper

Destiny Tuning Secret

Manifestation Miracles Today


Creative Writing, Book Reviews, Adult Humor Stories

tonysbologna : Honest. Satirical. Observations.

Honest. Satirical. Observations.


Dairy Free Food & Tea Reviews

Success Inspirers World

Opportunities and Blessings for Everyone

A Blocked Writer's Blog

Because We've All Been There

Georgie The Sissy

A SecondLife Blog

Writing Robyn

Confessions of a Word Freak

Cookin' With Robyn

Mostly It's About Baking

Paper Fury

read. write. world domination

Visions And Journeys

Traveling Through The Weirdness That's My Life


Rational thinking and reporting on all things transgender

BlogPad Pro

The most professional WordPress blogging app for your iPad

Fuel My Family

Keeping my family healthy, keeping my family happy

ice cream magazine

................... for lovers of ice cream. Your free on line magazine for sweet frozen treats. Recipes, inspiration, artisanal ideas for your delectation.

Bunny Kitchen

Exploring the possibilities of cruelty free food

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

Just Your Everyday TransGirl

Battling The Dementors Since Birth

Frederica Cade's Blog

Just another weblog


More Girl Than Dead

Kira Moore's Closet

Ever Moving Forward

Women Born Transsexual

Women born with transsexualism

Trans* Cister

Jody Ann Malsbury

Matt Kailey's Tranifesto

Transgender & Transsexual Issues, Information, Advice, & Opinion

The Big Banger

My Life with Penny, Prius and Roland

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.